I have so much going through my mind today that it is overwhelming.  WHY?  Why am I overwhelmed?   Why am I unsettled in my thoughts?  Why do I let my heart hurt? Why do I not have peace? Why is there turmoil?  Why?

I cried out and I feel this was my answer.  You have your eyes and heart turned in the wrong direction.

WOW!  There are so many things that I can make excuses for today, but instead I am giving it to my heavenly Father.  I could sit here and wallow in self-pity or I can pick myself up a do my best to help those that I can.  Everyone isn’t going to see the purpose and reasoning behind my actions at times, but I am okay with that because God knows my heart, as well as, my intentions.   I can’t worry about things that are uncontrollable.  Life if full of sorrow, pain, and hurt but it is also full of joy, peace and love.   People and the world want me to take sides, to make a chose in their favor.

Well, today I choose Jesus.  My thoughts are on Him.  I can’t control circumstances, friends, family or anything for that matter, but I can control whom I look to for answers.  I can control which direction I turn my eyes and heart toward.   I was never promised a life without sorrow, pain or even misfortune.  I was promised a life where I would never be left alone or forsaken, so today that is where I look.  I have allowed that terrible whisper in my ear for too long that I am not enough.  Honestly, I am not enough for this world and I am acknowledging it now.  I am okay with not being enough by myself.   I have a Father calling out to me that with all my mistakes, and flaws.  HE accepts me as I am flawed, broken and hurting.   He welcomes me with open arms when I make mistakes and picks me up when I fall face first because I let this life trip me.

I heard someone say once that she had to be okay with herself before she could come to God.  I will never be okay with myself.  I am a mess that only Jesus can fix.  I continually mess up daily, but God dusts me off and sends me on the correct path again. Grief overcomes me and knocks me down and tries to hold me there.   May is a hard month because my Dad went to be with Jesus on May 30, 2016.  Cancer lost its battle and he was given a heavenly home. I miss him so much but watching his frail body take all it could handle the last few weeks of his life makes me rejoice that I will see him one day in Heaven, so I get up and hug my children and tell them how much I love them.  More importantly, I tell them how much God loves them.  I am taking my own advice today and letting Jesus take me in His embrace.

I have never proclaimed to be perfect, but I try my best to do my best at everything I do, so I am proclaiming that I am thankful for today and I will look to God to get me through the best of times and the worst of times.   Though often times my heart aches and this life knocks me down, I will not let it hold me down because Jesus is always there with an out stretched hand to lift me up from the sting of life if I will only reach out to him.  There is hope for the hopeless and grace for a messed up person like me and you.  You just have to reach out.

I am turning my eyes and heart to the only direction that I can have peace, to the Lord.


One thought on “Why?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s