As I entered my house, a blanket of sadness covered my entire being.  A dark depression consumed me and I just couldn’t shake it.  The cause of this great depression was staring me right in the face as to taunt me.   It is hard for my family to understand this sometimes, but it is real.

This depression was onset by a pile of clean laundry on our love seat.  I know is seems silly to some people that something so basic would haunt me, however it does.   It is more than just a pile of laundry to me; it is everything that I didn’t get accomplished yelling at me what a failure I am.  As I looked around and saw dishes in the sink, I just wanted to leave the house just so I didn’t have to look at it all.  This particular day was the end of a very busy week for all of us.  I was tired and by the time we were home it was time to cook supper, help with homework , assist with getting ready for bed and making lunches for the next morning all while trying to clean the kitchen.  As my mind speculated my next move, I found myself sinking deeper in the darkness validating myself worth by all that surrounded me.  I walked out of the house because I physically was disgusted with myself.

Then, at that very moment God shook me to my core.  As I walked in the yard toward the woods in the rain, He revealed to me that I will never be enough if I focus on what I couldn’t get accomplished by myself.  Though, I didn’t get everything completed that I thought needed to be done I can’t let those things be my defining moments in life.  I have to accomplish the things that He sets before me to be completed and sometimes that is leaving a heap of laundry to help others.

While I didn’t get the laundry done or all the dishes washed what I had done that week was ease the mind of a teacher whose had a family emergency by taking great care of her students while she was absent, I drove some of the Scholars Bowl team to and from their meets, I watched Natalie compete in her last first Scholars Bowl meet of her high school senior year, I took Ariyah to her dance class where she finds confidence and joy, I made sure lunches were made, bills were paid, I made important  appointments. I prepared and taught Sunday school as well as, snacks because Ariyah said it was mandatory to have snacks.   Finally, I took time to love my children to have conversations with them to care for them and cry with them when they were discouraged, in other words I did exactly what I was supposed to do that week, care for others.  I put myself aside and happily helped others.

Even though we might not get everything accomplished that we had planned, it doesn’t mean that we aren’t accomplishing exactly what we need to be.  Will I always get it correct? I can assure you I won’t, but that is okay too.  Sometimes we need to take a step back and be thankful for what we did accomplish and not focus on our inadequacies.


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